When cracks become fissures

In the relationship counselling space, you notice patterns emerge. We noted one in an earlier blog post; the longer some couples leave counselling when there are issues, the harder they can find it to genuinely resolve these issues, and to restore the kind of connection they desire.

When doing our intake with a member of a couple, we will ask when the issues began, and if things have gotten worse at any points. Not always, but often, the answer is: “things got worse after we had kids.”

It makes sense. The pressures and stressors on each person ramp up after a child comes along. This can act as a barrier to communicating well, to connecting well, and to functioning well as a team. And so when there are already issues in these areas in a relationship, they tend to get worse when a child comes along. The cracks become fissures.

So: what should couples do in light of this trend? Getting counselling at any point to address issues is a great idea. But it’s wise to get counselling before having kids if you notice issues in your relationship. Stop those cracks from becoming fissures! Keep in mind as well that it can be hard to conjure up the energy to engage in counselling when children are young, and sleep deprivation tends to be the norm.

There’s lots involved in getting ready for a baby. Buying a cot, selecting a pram, setting up the nursery. Consider getting relationship counselling as well.

If you would like to learn more about couple or marriage counselling, please visit our relationships counselling page. You are also welcome to a free, 30 minute phone consultation to discuss your relationship needs and suitability for counselling. Alternatively, if you would like to book an appointment with a Robertson & Ling counsellor, you can do so here.