Are you sure you’re not grieving?
What's the first thing that comes to your mind when I say the word "grief"?
For many of us, our instinctive image or idea when asked this question will have something to do with the death of another person. In other words, we most commonly associate grief with the loss of human life. This isn’t a bad thing; in fact, it makes perfect sense. The death of a treasured loved one is often the biggest loss a person will ever experience. And with profound loss can come profound grief.
Having said this, we would be mistaken if we thought that it was only ever okay to grieve if someone had died. Because actually, we can experience grief for any kind of loss that we experience.
Here are some examples of losses that we can experience that can result in grief:
Moving to a new town or city
The death of a pet
estranged relationship with a friend
Missing out on a job or work opportunity
No longer being in a romantic relationship
Losing physical capacity
Retiring
Children have moved out of home
Losing a valuable item (e.g. a wedding ring)
Knowing that we can experience grief for any kind of loss is helpful, because it allows us to tune in to the possibility that, following a loss, we may end up going through a grief process. When we experience anger at having a broken leg, numbness after losing our wallet, or sadness when our children are no longer interested in one of the family traditions, we can recognise that we are grieving. (For a more comprehensive list of ways we can respond to loss, read our blog series “Ways to grieve - one right way?”).
It’s also helpful for our relationship with others. Knowing that a loss can lead to grief means that we can be more mindful if someone is responding to a loss. It also allows us to be more empathetic and understanding - crucial characteristics of any relationship. Rather than thinking that our friend is “in a bad mood” because of their broken leg, we can empathise with their feeling of anger, and the sense that the situation is not fair.
Everyone grieves. And everyone grieves more than we may realise.
If you would like to learn more about grief counselling at Robertson & Ling, or any other counselling we offer, such as marriage or couples counselling, please visit our services page. You are also welcome to a free, 30 minute phone consultation to discuss your needs and suitability for counselling. Alternatively, if you would like to book an appointment with a Robertson & Ling counsellor, you can do so here.